"It's nothing" – how to (not) emotionally validate

Emotional validation was brought to wider awareness by American social worker Naomi Feil while working with elderly people with dementia. She found that people don't need to be constantly corrected, but rather understood, accepted and respected. When their emotions were acknowledged, they gradually subsided, while ignoring or devaluing them led to worsening difficulties. The same principle applies very well in parenting and working with children.

Emotional validation is one of the key skills for building healthy relationships – whether in partnerships, friendships, or the parent–child relationship. It means recognising and accepting another person's experience. This sends a clear message to the child that what they feel is understandable and that their feelings have a place. Acknowledging emotions helps reduce the intensity of unpleasant experiences and supports a sense of security. The opposite, emotional invalidation, can have a long-term negative impact on a child's development. If a child repeatedly experiences their feelings not being taken seriously, they may carry greater stress, low self-esteem or difficulties regulating emotions and impulsivity into adulthood.

Emotions don't disappear by being ignored, suppressed or avoided. When a child hears phrases like "it's nothing", "it'll pass" or "don't be so sensitive", they may feel misunderstood and quietly learn that their feelings are inappropriate or wrong. It is important to convey to children that there are no good or bad emotions. Every emotion has a function and brings information about what the child is experiencing and what they need. Long-term emotional invalidation doesn't teach children how to work with their emotions, but rather leads them to distrust and suppress their feelings – depriving them of the chance to find healthy and effective ways of coping.